Chaos

"Punish me." she cried.

There was a brief history behind her request. Brief. And unimportant. But the consequences were intriguing, and provoking actions. Just one small stone in the still water, and it caused ripples, magnifying and spreading. And after that, nothing was still. A chaos. She felt. She felt something went wrong but she couldn't find out that from him. As there was no reaction. She wanted one, badly. She convinced herself she was the reason behind the chaos. The guilt was eating her. She asked for one reaction, just one. She didn't get any. She wanted one; a corrective action, a punishment, which would overcome her guilt. So that she can forgive herself. So that she can live on. So that she make absolutely sure that the damage, if there was any, is well taken care of. That's all she wanted - Balance, stillness, her own inner peace. Or just a debt, which she wants to pay off so that she owes him nothing. Was this selfish of her...?

"Punish me." she cried. And begged.

*****

He saw her crying for his reaction. He saw her yearning. 

He was still. Melancholic tranquility was his aid. He had no answer. He did not give one. He did not want to find one. Because the answer will square off everything. Because the answer will give a closure. Because the answer will put an end to the chaos. And he loved this chaos between her and him. To him, balance was not stillness. Balance was stagnancy. This chaos has given him what balance could not give - her attention. He did not care for the reason, what caused this. Unimportant. But the outcome was addictive. He was addicted; to chaos. He knew this was a dangerous territory. Her yearning for balance had risen beyond extremities, which he could not stand. He was still. It was his addiction against her yearning, his chaos against her balance. His tranquility against her guilt. What to choose..? 

He saw her, again. And again. And again. 

*****

"Punish me." she cried. "I owe you"

Long pause. 

"In only one condition" he uttered cautiously but firmly.

"And what's that?" She enquired.

His words manifested his addiction. 

"You owe me, only if you want to own me". 

And her guilt evanesced; his chaos won.

[ dedicated to her, who inspired me for this. Grateful !! ]

- Asthir Amdavadi